#129 A plea.

I don't know how things got so bad. I didn't mean for it to turn out this way.

Can you please forgive me?

I don't understand why I deserve this.

All those lies that were said, I didn't mean to hurt. I wanted to protect you instead.

God, please, I don't know what's wrong with me.

Can you help me? Please?

How bad can this go. I really don't know. I'm so scared.

Does anyone out there understand exactly what I'm going through?

It can't be seen physically. I guess that's why it doesn't seem much for concern.

I really don't know how I ended being the person I am now. It scares me so much. I'm so scared of myself. God, am I going insane?

Maybe if I really were crazy, it could justify all my actions. All the things I've said and done.

I've come to a point where, I'm really at a lost.

I don't know what it feels like to be human anymore. Besides being lost, I feel so numbed. Numbed of all the emotions, the pain, the sufferings.


It was just one mistake. It started out with a simple lie. And now, it ends like this.

We started off on the wrong foot. All I asked for was a second chance. But it never came.

It's not _____'s fault.

I know you don't love me. You did once, but it all faded when things went wrong. Yet, I still love you unconditionally, blindly.

How absolutely silly and naive of me.

No one understands how I feel towards this whole issue. It's so hard to explain. If only you lived a life through my eyes, than maybe you'll understand.


It's 3am now. And I'm wondering, what am I going to do next? Do I even want to wake up in the morning and face someone whom I've caused immense hurt and disappointment to? She doesn't even want me to acknowledge her.

I didn't mean to lie Mummy. I really didn't.
I didn't mean to die Mummy. I really didn't.


This entry is not about seeking attention. In fact this entire blog is not about this.

I'm here typing, hoping someday, someone understands what I'm going through. And perhaps, I won't feel so lonely anymore.